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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29158773">Don't Pull Away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdermewithbooks/pseuds/murdermewithbooks'>murdermewithbooks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Narcos (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lovesickness, Pining, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:19:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29158773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdermewithbooks/pseuds/murdermewithbooks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your relationship—if one could even call it that—is exciting and wondrous at first. You’ve never felt more alive than you do with Javier, every care in the world disintegrating as you lose yourself in the throes of passion. <br/>But it’s short-lived, much like every good and bright thing in your life. And in the aftermath, you’re left cold and bare, wondering why he makes you feel so precious and loved, only to pull away a moment later.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Javier Peña &amp; Reader, Javier Peña &amp; You, Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't Pull Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was a request on tumblr and it turned into a little one-shot. thanks for reading! 💜</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything feels blank and empty, the room eerily silent. The closest thing you can compare it to is the space of time between a flash of lightning and the roar of thunder that shortly follows. You know it’s coming, but in those few milliseconds before sound catches up to light, there’s a quiet that settles deep in your bones. </p><p>And no matter how well prepared you are for that resounding boom, it always leaves you breathless, void of anything <em>but</em> inner chaos. Though you love lightning storms—the way it strikes whenever and wherever it pleases, painting streaks of light throughout the gloomy sky above—you never truly learned to love the thunder that comes with it. </p><p>Your relationship—if one could even call it that—is exciting and wondrous at first. You’ve never felt more alive than you do with Javier, every care in the world disintegrating as you lose yourself in the throes of passion. </p><p>But it’s short-lived, much like every good and bright thing in your life. And in the aftermath, you’re left cold and bare, wondering why he makes you feel so precious and loved, only to pull away a moment later. </p><p>“Do you have to leave so soon?” you ask quietly, propping your head on your hand as you watch Javier pull on his clothes in record time. He glances at you over his bare shoulder, a cigarette between his lips and his brow quirked in what you assume is annoyance.</p><p>“I don’t stay the night, you know that,” he says in a clipped tone as he sits on the chair in the corner of the room, tugging on his shoes. He’s about as far away from you as he can be without actually leaving the room, though his stiff demeanor suggests that’s all he wants right now.</p><p>“I didn’t say ‘stay the night.’ I just meant you don’t have to get up and leave before you’ve even caught your damn breath.” You sit up, holding the sheet against your naked body despite the fact that he’s already seen it, tasted it, been inside it. It’s pointless, you know, but that doesn’t stop you from using the thin material as a sort of protective barrier between you and him. </p><p>Between your heart and his indifference.</p><p>He releases a sigh, blowing smoke from his nostrils as he stamps out what’s left of his cigarette in the ashtray at his side. You swing your legs over the edge of the bed, effectively turning your back on him as you reach for your discarded clothing on the floor. </p><p>There’s that quiet again—the one that makes your stomach twist in agony, your blood freeze within your veins. You expect to hear the front door open and close with his retreat. Instead, you’re startled when you walk around the bed only to find him leaning against the doorframe, watching you with an unreadable expression.</p><p>“What?” you croak out, your voice thick with exhaustion and something else you try so hard to mask. His eyes roam up and down your body in a curious perusal that, if he were anyone else, would earn him a slap in the face.</p><p>He pushes off the wall and walks a few steps into the bedroom, stopping right in front of you. His brow is furrowed as he studies you for a moment and you subtly tug at the hem of your nightshirt in an attempt to somehow conceal yourself from him. </p><p>“Nothing,” he murmurs, his gaze falling to your mouth before he crashes his lips against yours and wraps an arm around your waist, holding you close. You brace your hands on his chest, gripping the collar of his leather jacket as you release an involuntary moan. </p><p>The kiss ends as quickly as it started, his chest heaving in time with yours. Meeting his burning gaze is like watching a flurry of embers being carried by the wind—they’re tempting to touch but burn just as hot as the flames from where they came. </p><p>You search his eyes for any indication that he feels what you’re feeling, your heart fluttering when he places his hands over yours. But then he pulls your hands off of his jacket and gently releases you before turning on his heel and walking out of your apartment without another word.</p><p>~~</p><p>You haven’t heard from Javier in weeks, though you <em>have</em> tried to call him just to make sure he was alright. Knowing the dangers of his job with the DEA keeps you awake most nights, especially when you haven’t heard from him in so long. </p><p>The first time you called, no one had answered. But then a few days later, you were just about to hang up when someone finally picked up the phone.</p><p>“Bueno?” the sultry voice of a woman had greeted you, and you froze, your heart pounding against your rib cage. It shouldn’t have come as a shock to you that he’s been seeing other women, but that doesn’t make your heart ache any less.</p><p>You had hung up the phone a second later, the receiver clicking into place just as a stray tear rolled down your cheek. That was nearly a month ago and you haven’t tried to reach out to him since, not that you haven’t thought about calling him nearly every day. But you know there’s no point in trying anymore—that if he really wanted to see you, he’d call you himself or even show up on your doorstep. </p><p>These thoughts plague your mind as you lie awake, tossing and turning on the lumpy mattress. After about an hour of fitful sleep, you give up on the idea of getting any semblance of rest tonight and decide to make yourself a cup of tea instead. </p><p>You’ve just turned on the burner when a soft knock on your apartment door makes you jump. It’s well past midnight so you have no clue who could be visiting you at this hour. Your heart races as you turn the doorknob and slowly open the door. </p><p>“Javier? Wh–” before you can even finish your sentence he’s wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in the crook of your neck. The door closes on its own as you stand there, completely frozen while he tightens his hold on you, his warm breath tickling your skin. </p><p>He smells like smoke, but not the cigarette kind that usually clings to him. This scent is more pungent, almost like gasoline. You force yourself not to give in to his touch—not to hold onto him with all your strength and never let him go. Instead, you wedge your hands between your bodies and push against his chest until he lifts his head and loosens his hold on you.</p><p>“What do you want, Javier? It’s late and I have work in the morning,” you don’t dare look him in the eye for fear that you’ll no longer be able to resist his closeness. His hand comes up to cradle your cheek and you clench your jaw, trying to focus on anything but the gentle way he strokes your skin.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I—I know I should’ve called,” he rasps, his voice thick with guilt and his throat bobbing as he swallows nervously. You long to touch that spot just below his jaw and feel his pulse thrumming beneath your fingertips, proving that he’s really here and this isn’t some illusion your frazzled mind has made up.</p><p>His fingers glide down your cheek, his thumb lightly catching on your bottom lip before he lifts your chin. Your hands ball into fists where they remain between you as your eyes finally connect with his, your breath hitching. </p><p>His eyes are glossy with dark circles under them like he hasn’t slept in days. His face appears drained of all color, his hair mussed up in every direction like he’s been constantly running his fingers through it. He looks…exhausted, wary even. “Javi, what happened?” you whisper, your hands splaying out against his chest.</p><p>He doesn’t reply right away as he leans his forehead against yours, his breathing slow and deep. “I just—everything went to shit so fast and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t protect them and now they’re…” he trails off, his voice breaking. </p><p>You’ve never seen him so shaken before, so defeated. The pain in his eyes makes your heart clench with worry and you couldn’t keep yourself from reaching up to cradle his face in your hands even if you wanted to.</p><p>You swallow hard around the lump forming in your throat when his bottom lip trembles at your touch. Your hand comes to rest on his cheek while the other cups the back of his neck, threading through his hair. “What do you want, Javier?” you repeat your question from earlier, though much softer this time. It’s no longer out of anger, but out of some undying need to comfort this troubled man who holds your heart in his hands. </p><p>“You–” he answers without hesitation before resting his head against yours once more, “–I don’t want to be alone tonight. I just want…to be with you.” He’s practically trembling in your arms and your mouth goes dry as he releases a shaky breath. </p><p>Your fingers dig into his scalp as you pull back just enough to slowly nod, your eyes never wavering from his, “Okay.” He breathes a sigh of relief, his eyes showing some semblance of life again. And when he closes the gap between you, you let your body—your entire being—speak the words that have been seared into your heart all along.</p>
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